“Nervousness is a strong energy in us. It is up to you if you want to get paralyzed or driven by it.”
Luckily I can remember my teachings in such a moment. I take some deep breathes into my belly and the fear starts to turn into focus. My paralyzed body suddenly is full of energy. I straighten my spine and feel ten feet tall. I close my eyes for a moment and let the air flow into my lungs one more time. I relax my face and my lips start to form a slight smile. I open up my eyes again, have a clear view and take the first step. The first step into the new world. The first step into my new task. The first step towards …
As the days keep passing I do not know where all my good resolutions have gone. I am back on the track that I have always been on. I am drinking, smoking, taking drugs, sleeping all day long and do not move forward. Even though I know what I have to do in order to get to the place where I want to be, I do not take the way to get there. It is not that I would not enjoy the comfort which this place is offering me. Everything around me is familiar. I know how to think, talk and behave in this surrounding to get along well with everyone.
I am not talking about where I am located. It is way more about a stage of being, a stage of consciousness that I am in. There is just one thing about the pleasure I find here. I start to feel guilty.
Did you ever experience that? You love playing with the toys you have but after some time you feel some kind of shame for playing with them? You still love your teddy bear but in high school you cannot play with your teddy anymore. You feel that there is something wrong about it. And so whenever you do it, a feeling of guiltiness is the result. Nevertheless you enjoyed it while playing.
The process is still the same, only the scene is changing. As a teenager it was not just fun but even a proof of matureness to play with life easily and do not care about oneself neither about whatever comes tomorrow. Only the feeling of joy in the very moment is important in that stage. So there is no doubt about harming yourself in order to feel great pleasure. There are no worries about the hangover you will get because of drug abuse. There is nothing stopping you from doing things that you will regret the next day if they provide you fun now.
But with growing older and wiser, with keeping evoluting something changes about this. Even if I very often do not want to accept this thought it is growing stronger and stronger. It tells me that I need to find balance and peace. That living a life that is all about pleasure will hurt me one day. That the bill for this way of living will be very high. That the hangover will come one day. That the regret will come one day. That life is moving on. That I am growing. And if I do not keep growing, evoluting and moving on, that one day, if I stay in this place, the surrounding will have changed so much that I will not feel home anymore. Just as a teenager who is still playing with child toys or an adult who is still try to live as a teenager.
But is it not hard to put away your toys? Is it not hard to become an adult and take responsibility? Is it not somehow frightening to move on and leave a place that you have been inhabiting for quite a while and that you are still enjoying? Even though some strange feeling starts to overcome you and tells you that you have to move on. Does it not sound very attractive to mistrust that feeling and rather keep staying in the place that you feel save in?
Yes it does. But nevertheless it is not an option.
… I am taking a step. I do. Even through the realization of the necessity to move on. Even through imagining the place I am going to be next. Even through finding out the direction I am taking. I am starting the journey.
Bo – Mumbai, India 08.01.2018
BO and AUM started their journey through the world in the very end of 2017. The first destination they took was Goa, India. It was an attractive place for travelers like them.
At this time the cultural background of people from Europa – the western world was different as the one of those who were born in the India – the eastern world. But since goa had a strong influence of the Portuguese colonial power before 1800 and with that most of the citizens converted to Catholicism and adopted a more western way of living it was easy for BO and AUM to get along with the people and surrounding there.
Further there was a huge scene of tourism and music culture. Actually a certain type of music called goa goes back to that Indian state. It is a rapid psychedelic type of electronic music. This scene was a result of plenty of hippies who came to that place in 1970. The core values of these people were freedom of expression as well as a peaceful and loving way of interacting with ones neighbor. We can assume as mentioned earlier, that a high number of those individuals had cultivated a postmodern pluralistic stage of consciousness already at this time.
BO also reported a deep inspiration that this place and the nature offered him. After the first days that he spent in a state of confusion as you can read out of the above written report he became very productive in paintings. We found a large number of small paintings on carton that he did at this time. You will find them here as soon as we publish the reports out of the same days. So please stick with us as we are not even close to the interesting days that are about to come in this history.
This very first page in the diary of BO written while he has been to India shows us how he is fighting between the stages he was in. We can take for granted that he was mostly in a postmodern pluralistic stage and slowly came in touch with integral consciousness. Every now and then he started to make temporary experience of an integral state.
Please note the difference between states and stages of consciousness. A stage is like the center of gravity for ones consciousness. The “place” that the individual is normally at. From this stage it is possible to make experiences of other stages. If one makes a temporary experience of another stage we call it a state experience of consciousness that this individual has for a short time period. For example when the average stage is altered through dancing to a higher one we would say this individual had the experience of a high state of consciousness. In short, stage means the average center of ones consciousness is operating at. State is a temporary experience of a higher or lowerstage.
However, as most of us know and as it shows up in what BO wrote here, it is never easy to get to the next stage. Moving on always means to leave something behind. It always takes some afford to get the latest update. It is never for free.
When he is talking about that he already knows what he has to do in order to move on, it means that he was able to connect to his inner guide and listened to his heart. He was aware of his potential. He had visions and utopias in his mind. But he also had a background, a backstory and a social condition that he had to overcome.
It took him some time and afford to realize that and find his own way to achieve and cultivate the next stage of consciousness. Also just a bit later he reported some interesting and inspiring experience of “awaking up”. You will read about it here soon, so stay tuned and follow BO and AUM on their journey.